Single In Laguna: The Disposability of Match.com

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By Richard Craig

Single in LagunaI’ve sat at the Laguna Coffee Company too many times on my first Match.com.com dates.  It seems Laguna is the Match.com capital of the world. The couple next to us at LCC were Match.com.com daters, too. And, the guy had already met my date the week before.

I figured out, as I quit online dating, that there seems to be a built-in disposability in Match.com, and I’m as guilty as anyone. First, it seems like everyone has a lie tucked in there some place, and everyone seems to accept it as the norm. Of course, the lie is usually age, but when you meet the woman who looks like the mother of the woman you hoped to meet, it’s a nightmare.

I had such a date. The online picture was hot.  She assured me she was mid-fifties, but with a few glasses of wine, her father’s age and some key historical times left her at least ten years older. At least. (Tip: Ask them what they were doing when Kennedy was shot.)  I also read that some 40% of online daters are married.

A woman I dated had a lovely tryst one afternoon. Not trusting her new lover, she stuck her iPhone in his briefcase and used her iPad’s tracking device to find her phone that night. Knocking on his front Laguna BeachVillage door, his wife, child in tow, answered. She politely told her why she had come, “I left my phone in his briefcase at the Ritz Carlton this afternoon.”  You know the rest.

But most painful is the Match.com dating members’ tendency to treat their dates with a rather disposable attitude. Yep, I’ve done it and I had it done to me: The Dear John text message (actually I never texted a Dear John, it was an email). If your date was introduced to you by family or friends, would you tell him goodbye with a text or would you feel a tad of responsibility to at least call him?

There is the rare Match.com date who you end up emailing and even calling. Then, for whatever reason, you don’t talk for sauntered months and then you talk again. Only one of you remembers the past.

My best friend and former Match.com member coined it “the Wal-Mart of dating.”  You are never sure of anything and it will not be long until your shopping for the same thing again. In smaller communities, such as Laguna Beach, anonymity is harder and Match.com seems to have more reliability, but keep in mind that people lie about where they live on Match.com also.

Ladies, where should men go to meet you if they don’t fancy Match.com?

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Author: Richard Craig

Richard Craig is not my real name, but if asked in public I will not deny who I am. I do write, and have for a long time. I am over 50, single and honestly baffled by the single community in Laguna at times. My job is, with your help, to figure it out.

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6 Comments

  1. Very unfortunate that here we are rolling into 2014 and people seem ok with the fact that we text more than we do talk on the phone let alone use skype, facetime or google hangouts for real face time interactions and transparency. I have been doing the online dating thing since the MySpace days, there’s something to leverage when it comes to social networks and it’s called all the information and daily updates into ones life. You can really tell what someones like under neath the surface and fabricated profile just by paying attention to their social status updates, especially InstaGram.

    I have been single a bit over 2yrs now and although it’s been great everyone knows theres nothing better than having a safe and secure special someone. It’s become a bit out of control though… expensive dates, very little connection with 90% of the dates and quite honestly… it seems as if there’s just a lot of settling going on just to lock something down as thats what our friends and family are doing or trying to push on us as singles.

    Coffee shops have always been my fave place for a first date but lately I’ve been considering stepping my online dating up to the next level… I figure if I want something serious then I should invest more than just time and effort… maybe $30-$50 a month for a Match.com profile isn’t a bad idea… I mean… you spend more than that on the 2nd date if not the first…

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    • Forget Match.com – I meet a lot of people on Twitter and I love it. Sure, it’s shallow at first, but I have developed REAL relationships with people I met on social media platforms. Some I have known for years now.

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  2. Carisa, I agree with you. Please make a short phone call instead of a text/email. Have a little respect.

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  3. Stop going on dates with women who want a relationship. Go on dates with women you’d like to wake up next to on a tropical island after staying out all night talking.

    Sure it hasn’t worked for me either, but it’s simplified dating immensely.

    Post a Reply
    • Wow, love that Shark Bait. Are you connected to me on Twitter btw?

      Post a Reply
  4. The entire texting/emailing phenomena is out of control. Some daters seem to believe an entire relationship can be founded upon electronic communication. I prefer brief telephone conversations so I can decipher tone of voice and connect to others, whether in business, family, or dating. I have used electronic means to deliver bad news, but I admitted in the same communication that I felt like a coward doing so.

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